Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Why Oderus Urungus Is My Hero

I'm rocking that new GWAR shit (BEYOND HELL) as I write this. I been playing it, non-stop since Friday. It makes me wanna run out in the street and flip cars and pee on all kinda stuff and just generally enjoy life tremendously. I think most people, even alot of fans, never really get far enough past the novelty of GWAR to be properly blown away by them the way the whole world should. I'm assuming that you, being one of the cooler people I know, have at least seen footage somewhere if not been to some shows and/or own every album. It's pretty much something that you make up your mind about the first time you see it.
For me, that was in '90, when my friend bought Scumdogs Of The Universe after we all saw them on MTV News (i remember when MTV could be blamed for turning kids on to way cool shit they weren't supposed to like instead of just making it trendy for boys to wear make-up so there would be a market for the was so much more pure then...Motley Crue, RATT, Cinderella, Faster Pussycat...) and just couldn't believe there could ever be something that ridiculously cool..ever. I was instantly absorbed. GWAR is really smart, really stupid and brilliantly diabolical. They can create the heaviest, most disturbing sounds, back-to-back with power-ballads or hillbilly sing-a-longs. I, personally, prefer it when they take themselves more seriously and let the humorous side work itself out in the content. Those bigger, more epic, malevolent manifestos are laced with a genious I rank with Douglas Adams, South Park, Kurt Vonnegut, Jello Biafra and Godzilla. Scumdogs.. and Amerika Must Be Destroyed are probably the 2 most remembered ones for some reason. Their movie, Phallus In Wonderland was nominated for a Grammy. I mean, these guys didn't just wake up one day and think it'd be funny to dress up as monsters. There's some hard, Godamned WORK goin on in that shit. I can only imagine how much the band and the entire crew must be exhausted at the end of a tour. It don't stop.
The new album isn't the best one ever. That would either be Ragnarok or Violence Has Arrived. It does, however, contain my current favorite song in the world, "Tormentor". That shit is one of the most gigantic things I've heard to date...and what may be the meanest sounding ork-driven chanting ever on "Eighth Lock".

I'm slobbering.
That ain't what this is about.
Yeah, i like GWAR alot.

These are some quotes I wanna point out as examples of why I think GWAR is sorely underappreciated. If you got some that I leave out, please, by all means, leave 'em in a comment under here. This is basically just some fan bullshit, but I think EVERYBODY should be aware that something is this ridiculously cool:

"Is that not part of the plan? I must use the nukes I can't kill you all with my hands...Why should the fire be shared with so few? let bombs explode cause that's what they do, Nuke Mecca, New York and the Vatican too...Give me a bomb and I'll drop it on you, Why stop at only two? You showed the world just what it could do, What a waste not to destroy? Come play at war man, and bring your best toy, Who gives a fuck about a nuclear war? Let bombs explode cause that's what they're for...Humans now look to the sky!! You worship missiles yet they know no side..." - "Bring Back The Bomb" from Warparty.

This song is MAD heavy and done very seriously, getting relentlously more agressive as it goes. By the end, it sounds lke Oderus Urungus (the singer, if you hadn't caught that yet) is marching over the world, throwing missiles by hand. It's completely pompous, arrogant and hateful. Ridiculously so. I liken GWAR's politics to South Park's in that they bring out the self-righteous stupidity in all sides of a situation and eventually generalize it all down to: STUPID HUMANS. DoomsDayDevice is way influenced by this approach. Jello Biafra has done it alot throughout his career too. I've always laughed pretty heartily at us silly apes for making it this far and still never over-coming being herded into tribes and being ruled by the strongest fighter...or the richest. Power's a bitch. First they were making sure you knew who was keeping you safe from the saber-tooth tigers, and now they control you by making sure you know who's protecting you from the terrrorists. Is somebody secretly stunting evolution for their own gain? But who would stand to prosper from such a horrible deed? I sure hope I get to see one or two of them horribly dismembered at the next show.

"Barricades are growing in the halls, Bullet holes are stitching up the walls, The students are well armed, but so are the pigs, this thing is gonna be BIG, we must now attack the very children that we taught, that they must never fight the fucked-up wars that we have fought, someone detonates a bomb, they said that it was huge, bulldozed all the evidence and blamed it on some stooge. Happy Death-Day to Columbine...Let's make the world an Oklahoma City, Fine...Wacky-Waco, Happy Death Day, Babies that were burned, Hey Look! the wheel has turned! there's only one way to save you, rape and maim and enslave you, finish what we started, i guess you could say that God farted." "Happy Death-Day" from Viloence Has Arrived

I bet some people don't find this shit funnny one bit, huh? I don't either. I think that if I had been in high school after Columbine happened, they probably woulda had me sitting in the counselor's office talking about my general failure to be completely fucking lame like everybody else. High school was a fucked up time for me, and it's very dehumanizing to an individual struggling to remain an individual through the endless onslaught of possible choices of character. Somehow, I just never felt that I had many peers after 8th grade or so. One day we're all a buncha stinky kids running around the playground like we just LOVE running after each other or something...alot of kid games involve chasing after each other...then there's this one summer where everybody starts splitting into cliques and you come back to school the next year to find that some of your old friends ain't your friends any more because they drew straws and you're these other people's friends now cause ya'll both did the same shit over the summer. It's a fucked up shuffle that happens, where everybody gets sifted by how much others can tolerate being around you anymore or how cool/uncool you help make their image. It jarred me somewhat. A buncha kids didn't do as well as I did. A bunch still don't. It sucks that in the reactions to school shootings, people always focus on whatever trends the kids were into. There's always a resounding IMAGE. We know these guys wore black trenchcoats. hhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm... I know...BAN TRENCHCOATS!!!
How about if we experimented with NOT putting students through a quasi-Darwinian, survival of the conformist, educational system that teaches them that there is only one way to succeed at life and then, subsequently ABANDON the ones who don't apppear to be buying into such a misleading concept? Especially now, in the Poxyclypse, when the schools and institutions insist on perpetuating this molding process in conjunction with the Media Corporate Elite, who are also battling for the souls of the youth through manufactered counter-cultures (YOU know if you really are who you are or if you're just trying to look like someone else who you like more than you), fads and fashion trends. I'm not justifying what those kids did. I can't think of one such occurence where I thought, "he/she had every right to do that." I just think that we're living in denial that if you put this many million monkeys through such a psychologically traumatic gauntlet, that you're gonna get those ones that stick their arms out before falling down the funnel, and a good percentage of those are gonna be so freaked out by what just happened that they're just gonna run out into the middle of a big group of muthafuckas and start spinnning around with their fists extended...if that makes any sense what-so-ever.
GWAR's song doesn't minimalize the shootings. It turns the situation we make out of it into an anthem of destruction, sang from the side of the authority figures and the parents, who will continue to live in denial that they are hating the player instead of the game. The fact that these things happen often enough to require an anthem is not the anthem-maker's fault.

"What were you told? that the streets would be paved with gold? I got news for ARE the road. well, I know better bub...God lives in a nuclear sub."- "MartyrDumb" from Ragnarok

"your guilded domes mask perversions, your mildewed tomes beg for inversion, Black Pope, the Hell-Mouth spoke, to me it's all the same, religion is for the weak, a haven for the lame. I will crush your Anti-Christ, Kill him and his kind, Crucify the crippled, the devil is a lie."-"Anti-Anti-Christ" from Viloence Has Arrived

"Krosstika has one purpose. it was designed to enslave you, They were designed to inflame you, there is no lie to the flag that we fly, we don't pretend it can save you, we offer you death, but a good one at that, it's only your life, after all, now the symbol will define you."-"Krosstika" from War Party

"From someone who's been to hell and back, prophetic insight is something i lack, Hell's full of pussies and God is a dick! but the run was sure good for some kicks."-"Back In Crack" from Beyond Hell

There's alot more examples of this throughout GWAR's discography. It's basically a blatant disreguard of religions, countries...etc. As systems of control designed to keep us all chasing after some unobtainable goal while supporting a top-heavy beaurocracy who's primary purpose is to maintain the status quo. No, Satan, that heroic soul-destroyer of the heavy metal world, doesn't go unscathed. I'm thinking the stereotypical devil-worshipper our parents were so warned about in the 80's, would probably be pretty put-out with GWAR's punking him out all over the last 3 albums.
GWAR'S from a different galaxy. They were buried under Antarctica since before we existed. They have no pre-conceived notions of who the guy with the pitch-fork and the red suit might be or why we all seem to just let him run around doing naughty things and causing good people to do equally naughty things. FUCK THAT DUDE. They wanna kick his ass just cause he appears to be the guy to beat.
In "The One Who Will Not Be Named", Oderus basically summons Satan just to kick his ass...and, as an added bonus, the summmoning pretty much SHOULD call up the devil every time the song is played, all over the world, right? So, that kinda proves the point without saying. I think, between that song and "Anti-Anti-Christ", I now know all of the devil's names. Thanks Oderus.

"you are born in the most disgusting of ways, some become cripples, some become gays, others pay money trying to become that way. you think you're beautiful, but what the hell is that? i find beauty in rolls of sweaty fat. it's not your complexion that gives me an erection. your beauty makes me sick, i'd rather fuck a troll..."-"Beauteous Rot" from Violence Has Arrived

"Whud you get? share it with me. whud you get? did you get it for free? then it ain't worth nothing, Baby..."-"None But The Brave" from "Ragnarok"

GWAR is anti-fashion. GWAR should be nominated as the GODS of anti-fashion, except, then they'd have to kill themselves just to prove that they can kill all the gods, even them. The hideous Scumdogs, addicted to violence...and crack...represent the rough edges of the world. The ones who are amazed at the science fiction story we are all a part of and just wanna see what happens next and hopefully have some laughs in the meantime, without the shackles of appearing a certain way to please others who feel that they must appear a certain way to please others. They stand for the ones who somehow overcame the symptoms of being freightened monkeys, trapped on a mudball planet, hurling in a life-sustaining orbit around a gigantic ball of fire...a ball of fire that we worshipped for a while before we got over our fear of it coming up every morning and just learned to appeciate it without piling all those responsibilities on the poor bastard. They stand for the ones who have some pretty neato ideas about life and just wanna be allowed to live the way they feel is right, worldwide, who understand that they were born in the area that they were born in for no other reason than the fact that they are the product of a particular egg and the sperm that crawled into it, and feel no obligation to pledge a lifelong allegiance to that particular area, no matter how much said area swears that they are the good guys and it's a priveledge to be there (and why, if it's so fucking great to be in that one particular area, has that one particular area not yet produced an individual both powerful and wise enough to inspire the entire world to abolish the nation-states and tolerate each other's religious placebos and just better the species so that all the monkeys can have everything they need?). They are the obnoxious fart in the general direction of those who would be most offended by it. They are the flag waved by those who refuse to wave flags. They are the embodiment of the hatred, disgust, inhumanity and injustice that we, as a species, have commited against ourselves, and the fact that they're actually aliens bent on our exploitation and eventual destruction, instead of pleading hippies, seperates them from the rest of us and enables them to laugh at our miserable plight...God bless us, everyone.

Back up from the microscope you forgot that you forgot you were looking in. The dollar signs in the kaleidoscopic patterns conceal evils you never even imagined. And why should you have to imagine something like that in the first place? Who the fuck made everything this fucked up?
The BAD guys? What do THEY have to gain from all this? Who's running this monkey farm, Frankenstein? When you look at the bizarre arc of human history and realise what a tortured pattern we have followed and what grossly over-complex cattle it has made us, it should either sicken you or cause hysterical laughter, maybe even just the slightest tang of malevolence...or all three.
That is GWAR.

peace...or the extreme lack there-of,
11:53 PM