Sunday, May 21, 2006

Gone Protest Tom Hanks... Be Back After Lunch

*Catholics in town are protesting a fucking Tom Hanks movie...a RON HOWARD/ TOM HANKS movie. sometimes i get so caught up in all my stupid Doomsday bullshit and friends and whatnot, that i forget there's still really sheltered people out there who are scared SHITless about whatever they're told to be scared shitless of. it's like when i meet someone new and, in conversation, i get to hear the latest on "the niggers", you know? you forget that there's people who think and talk that way when you're not around it...*

i'm just not quite enough of an asshole. i can think of the stupid shit to do, but, if i REALLY wanna act on 'em, i know i should set Sputnik on it first. i'll do it if Sputz will do it, but Sputz will do it either way. if there's a laugh in it, his nerves are steel.
we were laughing earlier at how silly Lafayette looks for protesting a fucking Tom Hanks movie, much less a Ron Howard movie...i mean...fucking Opie Taylor/Richie Cunningham & Forrest Gump are being picketed by what is most definately their current number one demographic...i mean, i would think...middle-aged conservatives?
i don't know what i'm getting at, it just seemed logical.
we were thinking we should get a big group together and join the protest, but protest it only because Tom Hanks and Ron Howard doing another film together should be considered a monopoly and it's time to give someone else a shot and i don't mean Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg. 
Jeesus, dude. remember the Family Values Tour with Lymp Bisquick and Korn and Icecube and all that? there was Catholic protest for that too...and Baptist. they raised all kinda hell, but, you know what?
all those acts were H-O-T=hot at the time, so there was just no way that money wasn't comin to town, ya'll.
in the end, the protestors made their point and a couple kids didn't get to go who may have otherwise went, and, all in all, the whole thing went off without a hitch...probably proved to be a little better of a draw after the bullshit.
YAY!!! the Holier-Than-Thou Moral Majority continue on like they always do, right? a warning to the parents of the area, a local news spot or 2, a sermon the week of, a heart-felt protest out front of the venue where they sing a couple hymns, let fly a couple lightly-bouncing condemnations, lie to a reporter about the amount of drug use they witnessed in the parking lot, and they're home watching TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL before the show even starts.
perfectly harmless. why even bitch?
except that, in Lafayette, at that same time, there was a group of friends who all believed in each other for one reason or another and felt they had something of some significance to offer their community, which they loved, despite obvious short-comings that they regarded with the utmost optimism and had no doubts that they could change.
this group of friends included members of a couple bands, future members of other bands, friends of people in other bands, and generally, just people interested in creative things and creative people. it was an exciting atmosphere to be a part of. it didn't last forever, but its effects are still evident in the lives its former members and show no sign of weakening...
no, it wasn't The Goonies.
anyway, these guys and girls got so excited about helping each other and other people they knew out, that they began putting together all-ages shows wherever they could do it. the bands doing the shows did it for the same reason the rest were doing it. cause there was hardly anywhere in town to play and the places that there were mostly sucked. everybody pitched in on P.A. and everybody understood that nobody got paid and nobody ever bitched about it cause they all knew that it was all going for "The Festival" which would come later, the next year.
...not long after the Family Values tour, no less.
you know what that protesting did?
absolutely nothing to Fred Durst and the gang, i promise you. Rammstein still made their however-many-thousands-of-dollars to shoot fire out of their asses and sing in German about how uber-gay they are.
the local knuckleheads, putting on their little "Festival" of "Rockin" local talent lost their original location at CajunField, lost their original insurance backer, which, in turn, meant they lost the security guards they were required to pay by the insurance company that they could no longer pay, still got their press promised by The Times, but lost any other offers of free paper and t.v., and probably a few other things i can't remember anymore, cause it's been a while.
because they were lumped in with it by the crazy knee-jerking of that one priest who was the spokesperson of the entire thing. he fucking dropped the name of their "organization" in one of his passionate speaches...right next to Family Values...
that shit spiraled so far out of control that somebody even asked what capacity they were SPONSORED by The Family Values Tour (i didn't even know it was a business in-and-of-itself).
the show went down. new location. new buncha real cool people who felt like helping out some young punks for better reasons than a tax write-off. it was one of the things in my life that i recognize as a challenge that i could not have conquered without the energy of friends. in fact, the new venue, Pelican Park in Carencro, was so impressed by how organized the whole thing was handled that they hosted the next one for cheaper.
...and now, back to the present...
the first amendment demands that these people be allowed to fight this losing battle against the blasphemy that Hollywood has catapulted over their village walls. i believe that there's more important things to be done with the first amendment, but, because i believe that, i think they reserve this right.
i also think that if the KKK feels it productive to stand in front of college students in 2006 for no other reason than to excercise their right to do it (and continue to try to convince people that "today's Klan is different than the Klan they heard all those horror stories about". why fucking CALL it that, then?), they gotta be allowed.
i just hope you people whining about the fact that there's a place where someone can pay $7.50 and be treated to what is essentially The-Same-Commercial-Slop-That's-Playing-Next-Door-To-It, realise, one day, that you don't own the local movie theaters anyway, schmucks. the same people who paid for Tom Hanks to even read the script of The DaVinci Code own the theater you're trying to stop from showing it. you see what i'm saying? this isn't your Hometown, U.S.A. anymore, Norman Rockwell. the folks who kepp blood pumping through the money machines already calculated that there might be something like this and congratulated themselves for all the free publicity you'd give them. not only won't you stop it, but they're gonna have to throw another movie out so there will be enough Goddamn screens showing the muthafucka, stupid.
agree with your friends and family that you're above subjecting yourself to such heathenism and go on about your daily activities, cause, you know what else?
it's a big, giant world outside of The Greater Acadiana, and people like all kinda things you will never even hear about and believe in all kinda things you will never even imagine and they probably think that you're weird, too, but they just seem to keep minding their own fucking business, don't they?
(must be something wrong with their religions.)
you won't read about what heavenly fruit your righteousness crusade has accomplished in the paper this week. the local news ain't gonna find it more interesting than anything actually INTERESTING that happens. hell, even YOU are hardly gonna remember it by next month. remember The Last Temptation Of Christ? i knew you didn't (i finally got to see it a few years ago and it kicked ass, too, you jerks), but you sure HATED it for a month or two when it was gonna play here.
you won't read about what negative little bit of roadblock you added to Someone-You-Will-Never-Meet's struggle, but, you know what? just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it didn't happen.

that's FAITH. 

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

The War On Boredom

*this is part extension of my last blog - part reaction to the "BEST OF"... choices in The Times Of Acadiana. this is not a hate rant. i read The Times almost every week whether i agree or disagree with whatever. i don't secretly hate the nominations because i wish it was me. i have no idea what category Doomsday would fit into, and, if it did, i'd feel like we were doing something wrong. as i get older and "wiser", i discover more and more what my dad always knew: i'm a naive idealist who will never fully understand this world.*

At whatever point, in this somewhat blurry lifespan, I declared WAR ON BOREDOM, I had no idea what I was up against. I probably felt like some stupid fucking superhero who was gonna go around slapping bored people in the face and waiting expectantly while the light slowly, yet dramatically, swept across their face and they exclaimed: "Oh right."
to quote Ice-T: "unfortunately...SHIT AIN'T LIKE THAT!!! IT'S REAL FUCKED UP!!"
I thought I'd have allies. I thought I'd be joining a massive army that would storm the land with Things-That-Are-Not-Boring, but, alas, the world had already sided with the opposition.

Bored people wallow greedily in their numbness because boredom means SAFE. If you're bored, then nothing is happening, therefore, nothing bad can be happening...I mean, nothing necessarily all that good can possibly be going down either, gotta have priorities.

Is that a horribly misguided assumption?
Also, allow me to indulge my assumptions a little further...
I'm gonna bet, that no matter where you live in the world (civilized areas, of course), you're within at least an hour of an establishment housing someone performing someone else's music. I don't care if it's the biggest KISS tribute band in the world, or some guy on a piano in Bangladesh, doing Jimmy Buffet tunes for tips. from Elvis impersonators to Cracker Jackson, Lafayette's local cover band extraordinaire.
(glory be to God...we have a point.)

I don't know these guys personally, so, if you do, don't tell 'em I was talking shit, cause I didn't say they couldn't beat me up...they probably fact, let's just say they already did, so they win no matter what.
Glad we got that outta the way.

The only reason I include those guys in this bullshit is cause they were nominated by The Times as "Best Alternative/Rock Band" or something like that and that kinda freaks me out. Barnes & Noble and Books-A-Million are both nominated as "Best Bookstore". Texas Roadhouse, IHOP, Hooters, Starbuck's, Taco see where i'm going, right?
I mean, I like Taco Bell...I eat it several times a week. Awesome job, guys. Mucho respecto.
But "Best Late Night" food joint? Locally? When Wal-Mart was still 24 hours (pre-Katrina), would that mean they had this category sewn up? THE SELECTION!!! It's an entire grocery's that for late night feasting? By default, it would be the best...'s also the best music store, video store, eye doctor, place to do your taxes, place to meet singles, bookstore, magazines, highest ceilings, auto store...YAY!!! WAL-MART is the "Best Everything in Lafayette".

Here's one of the tricks Money played on you and you never noticed:
Everybody knows that nothing is worth anything if it doesn't make any money. Everything everybody does is done with the highest money-making potential in mind. Everybody looks at what has previously made money and molds what they wanted to do into something more resembling of that. Since that was already a concept based on something before it that had already made some money, the new idea is already 3rd generation when it is initiated. Anything after that is a perpetuation of the formula, bringing it ever closer to being the Ultimate-Center-Of-What-Makes-Money in an area: A well-calculated commerce machine that takes no unnecessary chances and delivers exactly what it promises, everytime.


That's the simplest i can put the shit. When i proofread it, it sounds like the mathematic formula for The Molly Ringwalds (friends of those guys, go ahead and tell 'em. I could give a shit.)

I fly by the seat of my pants. I hate it most of the time, but it seems I have no choice. Sputnik and i both walked outta our job yesterday over what was essentially a moral disagreement. My dad woulda probably made that one syllable "ugh"-word that is his "that's about right" equivalent, and explained to me about how money makes the world go around and you better learn that it's all business and it's a cold, cruel world and all that.
I liked that job alot. Somebody made it impossible for me to remain there. I was nice about it. It sucks that I have to go learn some new bullshit at some other job that I wish i didn't have to go to every day, but that fucking landlord of mine just gotsta get paid. I am mass and mass must take up space, therefore, I must continue to provide a space in which to take up. I might not like everything about this reality, but I do accept it as real.

I do understand why there are cover bands and yet I don't. I think, for honing your craft (or searching yourself to find out if this even IS your craft or merely a pipe dream stimulated by MTV), it's an acceptable idea. I played guitar for only about 6 months before starting a little bullshit band with some friends who were also beginners. The level that I learned at fucking tripled, just from actually playing with other people. Any musician knows, it's a whole different pizza pie. I think you should go copy the shit outta your heroes and try to emulate their sound and style and whatever it is that makes you so excited about them in the first place. Put on shows and display your progress to your friends. It's all part of the learning experience...
But, at some point, accept the fact that these are other people's contributions that have inspired you. I wanna be in  Goblin. I think it's the most perfectly atmospheric, rocking, pulse-pounding music in the world. I could slap together a band of half-way decent musicians and play NOTHING but Goblin songs and most people around here would never even question if we had written that stuff or not because there's NO FRAME OF REFERENCE. In their minds, I did it first (fuck. hold on. who wants to start a band?).

Goblin ain't even together any more, so i'm pretty sure that getting together with me to "jam" is outta the question.
But, at some point in my dissapointment with myself for not having come up with the baddest shit I had ever heard, I thought far enough into my love for their music to discover exactly WHAT IT IS I LOVE ABOUT IT. This is one of the few upsides of thinking so damn far into everything. I know what it is about John Carpenter's music and movies that makes me so excited, beyond the fact that I realized I enjoyed more than one of his films. I thought enough about El-P's sounds and They Might Be Giants' geekiness to figure out why I felt so connected to them. I took all this crap and sought to create my OWN CONTRIBUTION to the things I love about this life.

I honestly feel that you are ripping yourself off by NOT discovering these things about your heroes and influences (I mean "you" in general, not "you" as in "the reader", cause, we both know, I preach only to the choir, so I'm perfectly aware that you knew all these things already). I honestly think that the reason things have become so stale and predictable, not just in Lafayette, but THE WORLD, has alot to do with SAFETY and the utter cowardice required to NOT TAKE A CHANCE ON YOUR OWN IDEAS, which won't even exist until you chill the fuck out and figure out which ones are really yours. I'm sure it'll be generally forgiveable if, along the way, you should find that some ideas you thought were completely original have already been successfully illustrated by someone else. Chalk that shit up to self-discovery and move on. Be proud that you had such a great idea rattling around in your head, in the first place. Use it as part of the evolution of your next idea. Never allow yourself to get comfortable with anything because life is a learning process for something greater, so music should reflect that.

Capture and immortalize your own life experience instead of becoming trapped under glass, like a dead butterfly, in some person you never met's permanent collection.
Personally, I think we will all be held accountable for the potential energy that we never made kenetic. I think this will hold alot more gravity than not tithing at church on Sunday or taking the Goddamn lord's name in vein.
It's why evolution's all fucked up. The most popular ideas being expressed are created by a corporate headquarters whose only intention is for immitators to ride the trend wave and join the bottom of the pyramid, thinking that maybe it's upside-down and they're on the narrow end because of the inherit feeling of self-importance and significance we all were born with. A PRODUCT captures the imagination of the multitude and we evolve ever onward into stupid, mind-contolled consumers.

You could have accomplished just as much by working for McDonald's all your life.

...But what the hell do i know? Where's all my money, if I know so much? "Come back with a Jaguar and a home in River Ranch (which looks like it was co-designed by Walt Disney, George W. Bush, Fritz Lang & Adolf Hitler) and maybe we'll see about taking you somewhat seriously".
I'll be the first to admit that I fucking suck with money. My big sister has, more than once, suggested that my being so judgemental about The-Weight-Of-Monetary-Gain, probably stems from the fact that I've been poor as a shithouse rat ever since I got out on my own...hell, before that. The word "bitter" comes up.
Whatever. I don't rule out that I have negative influences as well as positive. In fact, it makes perfect sense...but does that make it any less a part of me?

Bottom line.
When i depart this plain-jane dimension, my name and my ridiculous ideas will be scribbled onto as many of its walls as i can reach...for one reason or another, that's important to me...judge me how you will for my vanity and obnoxious demeanor...just know, that I will not be scribbling anyone else's bullshit for them. There's plenty walls and there's more markers than there are people in the world.

Do what you gotta do.
...and good luck with that.

peace...or the extreme lack there-of,

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

The War On Imagination

*a while back, i made a joke about rock-n-roll being for Republicans and girly/boys and stuff. somebody told me i was ugly, cause if it wasn't for rock-n-roll, blah, blah, blah. i'm not a snotty hip-hop kid who only listens to Kool fuckin Keith and dresses like an ex-raver. i just think of things that make me grin, so that's what i write. i make alot of jokes about myself like that. who gives a fuck about rock-n-roll and what i just called it, anyway? whatever. this is about that.*

Every time i see or hear anything about The Rolling Stones doing anything, it's mandatory that someone make an "old" joke about ' "what were they thinking by aging like that?" I'm pretty impressed that the old fuckers still feel like doing the shit. That's a pretty huge-ass show they throw and I bet it gets pretty exhausting on tour for such old-ass bastards, but there they are, summoning the demons of their former glory and fooling enough people into riding with the illusion that you just gotta take it serially. They fucking rock.
I can't imagine, at what point my mind would just release the chemicals to convince me, "Ok. That's enough. I did what I did and now I'm old and old people don't do that."
It's a scary thought.

The hordes of the boring are at war with the seekers in this world.
The ones who, somehow despite their training, chose to view life as an explorer and figure things out for themselves, regardless of what school, cliques and The-Global-Teen-Market-Conspiracy (which was formed when it was learned that human teens are the most rampant and gorging of consumers. The original founders had no idea that they were playing right into the hands of The-Mind-Control-Media-Elite, who, immediately devised a plan to dominate the human race by way of taking small grassroots movements, exploiting their underlying fashionability, combining their DNA with the rabid beast that rock-n-roll has long since been replaced by, and selling it back to the very people who created it, and at twice the price until so many people have been tricked that the kids a year or two behind the wave start to be able to see the man behind the curtain and the next small hype is prepared for bloating. All ideas are pre-prepared for the appearance of spontanaety and youthful cynacism, but have been carefully tested, so as not to be truly meaningful to anyone, so they don't get ideas, but don't get to thinkin about how no one ever gets any real ideas, either.) throw in their way to stifle imagination.
It's okay to imagine Harry Potter, but don't imagine weird real-life things, like a car that runs on banana peels. For the same reason that the War-On-Drugs must continue, so must the War-On-Imagination. For money, for the preservation of inbred elitists who have been hiding in a seperate vortex from the brutals outside, needing them for slave labor, but scared of their increasingly radical cultural anomalies. Every time someone steps back and looks at the big picture, someone counters with "this many people will lose their jobs." And that's that.
The mention of the betterment of the human race doesn't arise.
Yes, they thought of that.
Why isn't there an emotional outpouring of humans, WORLDWIDE, to insist that technology be allowed to help, for a change. If this were The Planet Of The Apes, the gorillas and the chimps would be buttin heads by now...oh wait...this IS that planet.
Were they trying to TELL me something in that stupid movie?

Somewhere, in the King James, there's something that says that if no one was there to speak the word of God, the rocks and the trees would shout it.
The artists of a culture are those rocks and trees.
An idea explored is an idea created. No two humans are capable of sharing the exact same life experience, so every single idea can only be reinterpreted into another version when it is passed on. That's how evolution works, kinda. Each new version of that idea is capable of producing their own and planting the seed for the next version until what started as Jules Vern, ends up as Sony...
but Arthur Clarke and Stanley Kubrik thought maybe Jules Vern would add up to Jupiter & Beyond.
Who's gonna pay for that?
No one country is interested in space exploration enough to have pushed it as far as the visionaries figured it would go. It looked good on paper, but the cars don't run on something we can sell and, when space exploration becomes common enough to change the global perspective, God & Country won't have as much wield over the monkeys, thus, making them bad consumers and uncontrollable anarchists. Civilization, as we know it would crumble and the last would become the first and the first would become the last and...

 "Who wants that? Not me. My family's lived in this bubble since the good old days when there was a slave working every single row of cotton in the field."

The dinosaurs of tradition and culture have purposely stunted the evolution of the human race. Not America. Not Iraq or one of those other evil places we warned you about. It's the aristocrats, that hide from the plague by throwing masquerades and mocking us with award ceremonies, celebrating the most successful invention in the prevention of our collective imagination. Starting to worry about Meteorites and Global Warming? Starting to think about that idea you were laughing with your friends about that would take one step closer to abolishing the monetary system of old and giving people a reason to live greater than the hording of wealth and dreams of Valhalla?


Why haven't The Rolling Stones grown outta rocking?
Why would Lloyd Kaufman continue to make 10-cent movies that only a small sector of the world will ever appreciate, when he could probably afford to spend a little more and clean up his taste?
Why would Takashi Miike make 4 or 5 movies a year, almost all critically acclaimed, and still not seek out a mainstream blockbuster here in the States?
Why haven't i grown outta horror movies and Godzilla?
Why did Edgar Allen Poe die a broke and lonely man if he had such obvious writing talent?

I ain't tryin to lump me in with all that, but, the thing is, you know if it's a trend and you know if it's for real.
If you were a real like, Dracula-type vampire goth Necromancer-looking-motherfucker, you'd still be able to picture yourself looking like one and acting like one at 45 or so.
Can you?
Good luck with that.

I'm just sayin that, this is what i am. It doesn't come with a fashion statement, but it definately seems to have a uniform, cause i'm only ever comfortable in one or two of my shirts and a pair of pants...anything i get new, and one of the old ones has to bust and the rotation continues.
I have a small group of friends that push movies and music on each other. Somebody says something moved them and i'll give it the benefit of checking it out. I trust their opinion. We've all come to respect each other as non-brainwashed our opinions, of course, cause, i mean, we ALL are just a little would be impossible, at this point, not to be.

Word of mouth by fellow travellers who discovered a little gold along the way. You stop in your tracks, breaking from the long, crappy trek, and just appreciate for a minute. Somebody made this movie/album/book/painting/porno mag in a way that i haven't already seen.
I wish it had been me. I wish i had made that song. I wish I was cool enough to have made that movie. Damn. Fucking Ray Bradburry thinks of all the awesome stuff before me.
I wish I could put on "3 Days" by Jane's Addiction, in a room, and say, "That's some shit from our new album."

I can't.
Unless I go around performing "3 Days" to people who are content with pretending the words were by me and I was really feeling that stuff, then I have nothing to do with that song except that i'm one of the millions who agree it's awesome.

I can live with that.

I think i'll try to come up with something that Perry Farrel might hear and wish HE had something to do with it, you know what i mean?

You know what would be neato?
Tell your cover band to fuck off and go write shitty songs that don't sound like something you've already heard a million times until they start to sound good because they're built on alternate versions of your own ideas instead of the crap you been letting them stuff in your head all your life.
Good luck with that.
Let me know how it goes.

"Isn't it funny how it's a fad to bite your idols when the whole reason you liked them was because their shit wasn't recycled?" - Aesop Rock