Monday, October 30, 2006

Keeps It Real, Captain Old-School


Fuck you, real-keeper. You, I think, are part of the problem.
REAL is boring.
REAL is what you were told it was, even though REAL doesn't even fucking exist.


Keep the traditions of a planet full of monkeys who decided to quit evolving and stick their heads up their ass REAL?

Tradition, as has been said in the past, is the root of all evil.
Stop telling each other to continue to live uninspired, boring lives.
Quit shunning the ones who made up a different way to do things.

In hip-hop, your proof of your OLD-SCHOOL credentials are twice as important as your talent.
Things that are new have no weight next to things that are TRIED & TRUE.
OLD-SCHOOL was a long fucking time ago...

And who's perception of OLD-SCHOOL are we talking about, anyway?
I remember riding my bike around listening to Neucleus on a one-speakered jambox.

what if i was 20?
Would Tupac be considered OLD-SCHOOL?

Shit...N.W.A. is way OLD-SCHOOL now.
I remember when that shit came out. I was rolled in that wave that took all the white teenage boys in '90-'91 and made 'em wanna talk like black dudes.
I ain't saying N.W.A. was the first group that ever inspired chump-ass white kids to act's just that 17-year-olds are impressionable.
I'm sure someone much older than me could say the same thing about Sly & The Family Stone.
The thing is, Sly was copied & imitated to the point when no one could even remember where the shit came from.

...and N.W.A.?
As much as I loved that bullshit, look at the fucking arc it sent hip-hop music into.
Nobody took the torch and moved forward. They proved what would sell and everybody just straight kept talking more and more shit till it devolved into what it is now.
Boring fucking nursery rhymes about money you ain't got and bitches you never fucked, lame ass R&B hooks and stupid cunts "singing" about their humps.

If you can't dance, you are no longer welcome to the rap game.
I'm not even gonna go into the "game" part.
Fuck you.
I don't wanna play.
I wanna make my Doomsday shit and carry on about the Poxyclypse and evolution and Godzilla and shit, you know?
I don't care if you do, really.

Boring is SO acceptable, that it equals REAL.
I hereby swear to never, ever KEEP IT REAL, ever again.
Fuck you, hip-hop purists.

I'm pointing at you, but the same goes for most genres of music.

Punk...REAL punk (hahahaha) is as closed-minded a social scene as country.
You can't shop angst at the kids anymore cause they've already been absorbed into the collective conscious of whoever sold them their haircuts.

The only PUNK angst left is heartbreak...a fucking 70's classic rock staple.
If Johnny Rotten still gave a fuck about you, he'd piss in your face.
God Save Johnny Rotten.
He laughs at your "punk".

aaaahhhhh, argue my point FOR me, dipshit.
The best new metal I've heard in forever is Trashlight Vision, and that's just cause they're so fucking OLD-SCHOOL PUNK ROCK!!

Oh, and, of course, Sleepytime Gorilla Museum, who I hesitate to even label as METAL.
Everybody else...take what I said about the punk kids, readjust the accompanying fashion trend, and apply it to yourself.

OR SATAN!! (who's been sadly missing from the music world in any type of FUN capacity for a long time. those fags in the corpse-paint officially killed the devil)

I'm bored fucking shitless of all your hip-hop and your punkrock and your metal and blah,blah,blah...
there's no EDGE left.

You can sing whisper-quiet love songs and still give them an edge.
It's not fucking hard (or maybe it's harder than I give it credit).

STOP trying to KEEP IT REAL!!

STOP trying to prove how OLD-SCHOOL you are!!

ADMIT that you have been the victim of ongoing mind-control since Saturday Morning Cartoons and have a fuck-of-alot of work to do as far as rethinking what REAL is and what someone you have never met, and just wants to sell you numbness, told you was REAL.

I gotta go back to work now so I can have enough cash for the secret JAY Z album that he lied about not making.

peace...or the extreme lack there-of,

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Why Oderus Urungus Is My Hero

I'm rocking that new GWAR shit (BEYOND HELL) as I write this. I been playing it, non-stop since Friday. It makes me wanna run out in the street and flip cars and pee on all kinda stuff and just generally enjoy life tremendously. I think most people, even alot of fans, never really get far enough past the novelty of GWAR to be properly blown away by them the way the whole world should. I'm assuming that you, being one of the cooler people I know, have at least seen footage somewhere if not been to some shows and/or own every album. It's pretty much something that you make up your mind about the first time you see it.
For me, that was in '90, when my friend bought Scumdogs Of The Universe after we all saw them on MTV News (i remember when MTV could be blamed for turning kids on to way cool shit they weren't supposed to like instead of just making it trendy for boys to wear make-up so there would be a market for the was so much more pure then...Motley Crue, RATT, Cinderella, Faster Pussycat...) and just couldn't believe there could ever be something that ridiculously cool..ever. I was instantly absorbed. GWAR is really smart, really stupid and brilliantly diabolical. They can create the heaviest, most disturbing sounds, back-to-back with power-ballads or hillbilly sing-a-longs. I, personally, prefer it when they take themselves more seriously and let the humorous side work itself out in the content. Those bigger, more epic, malevolent manifestos are laced with a genious I rank with Douglas Adams, South Park, Kurt Vonnegut, Jello Biafra and Godzilla. Scumdogs.. and Amerika Must Be Destroyed are probably the 2 most remembered ones for some reason. Their movie, Phallus In Wonderland was nominated for a Grammy. I mean, these guys didn't just wake up one day and think it'd be funny to dress up as monsters. There's some hard, Godamned WORK goin on in that shit. I can only imagine how much the band and the entire crew must be exhausted at the end of a tour. It don't stop.
The new album isn't the best one ever. That would either be Ragnarok or Violence Has Arrived. It does, however, contain my current favorite song in the world, "Tormentor". That shit is one of the most gigantic things I've heard to date...and what may be the meanest sounding ork-driven chanting ever on "Eighth Lock".

I'm slobbering.
That ain't what this is about.
Yeah, i like GWAR alot.

These are some quotes I wanna point out as examples of why I think GWAR is sorely underappreciated. If you got some that I leave out, please, by all means, leave 'em in a comment under here. This is basically just some fan bullshit, but I think EVERYBODY should be aware that something is this ridiculously cool:

"Is that not part of the plan? I must use the nukes I can't kill you all with my hands...Why should the fire be shared with so few? let bombs explode cause that's what they do, Nuke Mecca, New York and the Vatican too...Give me a bomb and I'll drop it on you, Why stop at only two? You showed the world just what it could do, What a waste not to destroy? Come play at war man, and bring your best toy, Who gives a fuck about a nuclear war? Let bombs explode cause that's what they're for...Humans now look to the sky!! You worship missiles yet they know no side..." - "Bring Back The Bomb" from Warparty.

This song is MAD heavy and done very seriously, getting relentlously more agressive as it goes. By the end, it sounds lke Oderus Urungus (the singer, if you hadn't caught that yet) is marching over the world, throwing missiles by hand. It's completely pompous, arrogant and hateful. Ridiculously so. I liken GWAR's politics to South Park's in that they bring out the self-righteous stupidity in all sides of a situation and eventually generalize it all down to: STUPID HUMANS. DoomsDayDevice is way influenced by this approach. Jello Biafra has done it alot throughout his career too. I've always laughed pretty heartily at us silly apes for making it this far and still never over-coming being herded into tribes and being ruled by the strongest fighter...or the richest. Power's a bitch. First they were making sure you knew who was keeping you safe from the saber-tooth tigers, and now they control you by making sure you know who's protecting you from the terrrorists. Is somebody secretly stunting evolution for their own gain? But who would stand to prosper from such a horrible deed? I sure hope I get to see one or two of them horribly dismembered at the next show.

"Barricades are growing in the halls, Bullet holes are stitching up the walls, The students are well armed, but so are the pigs, this thing is gonna be BIG, we must now attack the very children that we taught, that they must never fight the fucked-up wars that we have fought, someone detonates a bomb, they said that it was huge, bulldozed all the evidence and blamed it on some stooge. Happy Death-Day to Columbine...Let's make the world an Oklahoma City, Fine...Wacky-Waco, Happy Death Day, Babies that were burned, Hey Look! the wheel has turned! there's only one way to save you, rape and maim and enslave you, finish what we started, i guess you could say that God farted." "Happy Death-Day" from Viloence Has Arrived

I bet some people don't find this shit funnny one bit, huh? I don't either. I think that if I had been in high school after Columbine happened, they probably woulda had me sitting in the counselor's office talking about my general failure to be completely fucking lame like everybody else. High school was a fucked up time for me, and it's very dehumanizing to an individual struggling to remain an individual through the endless onslaught of possible choices of character. Somehow, I just never felt that I had many peers after 8th grade or so. One day we're all a buncha stinky kids running around the playground like we just LOVE running after each other or something...alot of kid games involve chasing after each other...then there's this one summer where everybody starts splitting into cliques and you come back to school the next year to find that some of your old friends ain't your friends any more because they drew straws and you're these other people's friends now cause ya'll both did the same shit over the summer. It's a fucked up shuffle that happens, where everybody gets sifted by how much others can tolerate being around you anymore or how cool/uncool you help make their image. It jarred me somewhat. A buncha kids didn't do as well as I did. A bunch still don't. It sucks that in the reactions to school shootings, people always focus on whatever trends the kids were into. There's always a resounding IMAGE. We know these guys wore black trenchcoats. hhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm... I know...BAN TRENCHCOATS!!!
How about if we experimented with NOT putting students through a quasi-Darwinian, survival of the conformist, educational system that teaches them that there is only one way to succeed at life and then, subsequently ABANDON the ones who don't apppear to be buying into such a misleading concept? Especially now, in the Poxyclypse, when the schools and institutions insist on perpetuating this molding process in conjunction with the Media Corporate Elite, who are also battling for the souls of the youth through manufactered counter-cultures (YOU know if you really are who you are or if you're just trying to look like someone else who you like more than you), fads and fashion trends. I'm not justifying what those kids did. I can't think of one such occurence where I thought, "he/she had every right to do that." I just think that we're living in denial that if you put this many million monkeys through such a psychologically traumatic gauntlet, that you're gonna get those ones that stick their arms out before falling down the funnel, and a good percentage of those are gonna be so freaked out by what just happened that they're just gonna run out into the middle of a big group of muthafuckas and start spinnning around with their fists extended...if that makes any sense what-so-ever.
GWAR's song doesn't minimalize the shootings. It turns the situation we make out of it into an anthem of destruction, sang from the side of the authority figures and the parents, who will continue to live in denial that they are hating the player instead of the game. The fact that these things happen often enough to require an anthem is not the anthem-maker's fault.

"What were you told? that the streets would be paved with gold? I got news for ARE the road. well, I know better bub...God lives in a nuclear sub."- "MartyrDumb" from Ragnarok

"your guilded domes mask perversions, your mildewed tomes beg for inversion, Black Pope, the Hell-Mouth spoke, to me it's all the same, religion is for the weak, a haven for the lame. I will crush your Anti-Christ, Kill him and his kind, Crucify the crippled, the devil is a lie."-"Anti-Anti-Christ" from Viloence Has Arrived

"Krosstika has one purpose. it was designed to enslave you, They were designed to inflame you, there is no lie to the flag that we fly, we don't pretend it can save you, we offer you death, but a good one at that, it's only your life, after all, now the symbol will define you."-"Krosstika" from War Party

"From someone who's been to hell and back, prophetic insight is something i lack, Hell's full of pussies and God is a dick! but the run was sure good for some kicks."-"Back In Crack" from Beyond Hell

There's alot more examples of this throughout GWAR's discography. It's basically a blatant disreguard of religions, countries...etc. As systems of control designed to keep us all chasing after some unobtainable goal while supporting a top-heavy beaurocracy who's primary purpose is to maintain the status quo. No, Satan, that heroic soul-destroyer of the heavy metal world, doesn't go unscathed. I'm thinking the stereotypical devil-worshipper our parents were so warned about in the 80's, would probably be pretty put-out with GWAR's punking him out all over the last 3 albums.
GWAR'S from a different galaxy. They were buried under Antarctica since before we existed. They have no pre-conceived notions of who the guy with the pitch-fork and the red suit might be or why we all seem to just let him run around doing naughty things and causing good people to do equally naughty things. FUCK THAT DUDE. They wanna kick his ass just cause he appears to be the guy to beat.
In "The One Who Will Not Be Named", Oderus basically summons Satan just to kick his ass...and, as an added bonus, the summmoning pretty much SHOULD call up the devil every time the song is played, all over the world, right? So, that kinda proves the point without saying. I think, between that song and "Anti-Anti-Christ", I now know all of the devil's names. Thanks Oderus.

"you are born in the most disgusting of ways, some become cripples, some become gays, others pay money trying to become that way. you think you're beautiful, but what the hell is that? i find beauty in rolls of sweaty fat. it's not your complexion that gives me an erection. your beauty makes me sick, i'd rather fuck a troll..."-"Beauteous Rot" from Violence Has Arrived

"Whud you get? share it with me. whud you get? did you get it for free? then it ain't worth nothing, Baby..."-"None But The Brave" from "Ragnarok"

GWAR is anti-fashion. GWAR should be nominated as the GODS of anti-fashion, except, then they'd have to kill themselves just to prove that they can kill all the gods, even them. The hideous Scumdogs, addicted to violence...and crack...represent the rough edges of the world. The ones who are amazed at the science fiction story we are all a part of and just wanna see what happens next and hopefully have some laughs in the meantime, without the shackles of appearing a certain way to please others who feel that they must appear a certain way to please others. They stand for the ones who somehow overcame the symptoms of being freightened monkeys, trapped on a mudball planet, hurling in a life-sustaining orbit around a gigantic ball of fire...a ball of fire that we worshipped for a while before we got over our fear of it coming up every morning and just learned to appeciate it without piling all those responsibilities on the poor bastard. They stand for the ones who have some pretty neato ideas about life and just wanna be allowed to live the way they feel is right, worldwide, who understand that they were born in the area that they were born in for no other reason than the fact that they are the product of a particular egg and the sperm that crawled into it, and feel no obligation to pledge a lifelong allegiance to that particular area, no matter how much said area swears that they are the good guys and it's a priveledge to be there (and why, if it's so fucking great to be in that one particular area, has that one particular area not yet produced an individual both powerful and wise enough to inspire the entire world to abolish the nation-states and tolerate each other's religious placebos and just better the species so that all the monkeys can have everything they need?). They are the obnoxious fart in the general direction of those who would be most offended by it. They are the flag waved by those who refuse to wave flags. They are the embodiment of the hatred, disgust, inhumanity and injustice that we, as a species, have commited against ourselves, and the fact that they're actually aliens bent on our exploitation and eventual destruction, instead of pleading hippies, seperates them from the rest of us and enables them to laugh at our miserable plight...God bless us, everyone.

Back up from the microscope you forgot that you forgot you were looking in. The dollar signs in the kaleidoscopic patterns conceal evils you never even imagined. And why should you have to imagine something like that in the first place? Who the fuck made everything this fucked up?
The BAD guys? What do THEY have to gain from all this? Who's running this monkey farm, Frankenstein? When you look at the bizarre arc of human history and realise what a tortured pattern we have followed and what grossly over-complex cattle it has made us, it should either sicken you or cause hysterical laughter, maybe even just the slightest tang of malevolence...or all three.
That is GWAR.

peace...or the extreme lack there-of,
11:53 PM

Saturday, August 12, 2006

The Audition


"Love" is such a bullshit, misused word. It is somehow credited with being responsible for the best and worst life has to offer. I'm not some sniveling, punk-ass kid saying, "love is dead" and all that serious shit. I just think that more people are in "love" with the IDEA of "love" than actually have any idea what to expect FROM "love".
Humans are codependant animals. Why do you think so many of you live life on a cell phone? "I hate them, but I really do need it for (insert diagnosis here)." Actually pay attention sometime...MOST people you see walking in a mall are talking to someone about things that NO ONE should give a rat's ass about, MUCH LESS the person on the other end, who is already ADHD and having a FUCK of a time navigating the insane traffic-circus of other assholes with cell phones stuck to their head, trying not to kill each other in busy intersections while driving with one awkwardly positioned hand.
This being Myspace, I'm sure we've all seen our share of bulletins from lonesome souls who have just broken up with someone they "loved" or "thought they loved". These aren't usually aimed at fishing for a little sympathy, which would only be human, but more to inform their next candidate for possible "love" that they are now taking numbers. They insert their IM or a BOYFRIEND APPLICATION suddenly appears in the blogs.
Damn near every single person in the demilitarized world puts themselves in line to audition for the part of someone else's significant other every day. You can lie and say you're too cool for all that, but that's just part of your act and you're secretly hoping it'll gain you some points with the opposite sex (or same sex, if that's your thing). Instinctually, we all have that need to have a constant companion to prove we really do exist. Ever noticed how some people can't sit quiet during a movie or even one song...even if you point it out to them? I used to tell my last roommate that it was like he was scared we'd all forget he was there if he just sat still and created no output for too long. Communication is a beautiful gift. Language is limited. Sometimes just shutting the fuck up for a little while can be very enlightening and who knows? Maybe you'll actually HEAR something without just waiting for your next turn to talk.
So, you may ask yourself, if 3D got it so together, then where's HIS girlfriend/wife/soulmate/whatever? yes, I am a romantic. No, I don't ONLY watch Godzilla movies and  pretend to be from another dimension. I've had several girlfriends who either broke it off with me or had to listen to whatever wack-ass reason I had for breaking it off with them. I'm not a real cool kinda boyfriend. I'm affectionate and silly and I like cuddling and all that gay shit... I totally have no reason to be alone except that my dreams and my ideals cause me to not take certain things as serious as some would prefer I did and also, some girls are really just confused by the way I talk and can't let down their guard around me cause sometimes I come across kinda abrasive. Whatever. I don't feel the need to have to explain myself constantly to someone who doesn't understand me anyway. I've already learned that lesson.

No, I don't have it figured out and yes, I do wish that I had my dreamgirl to roll around with and be silly and hold hands and pick gay little flowers and dance with the cartoon bunnies...'s just that I really want HER and not just "love" and I find it impossible to settle for "love" because my definition of "love" goes completely against settling and, eventually, regretting it and holding it against someone who isn't even at fault...someone who I have betrayed by pretending to "love" in that way that people in romantic novels and Julia Roberts movies do, when, in truth, i merely "loved" the experience of sharing myself with someone who shared themself with me...which is, to me, a much more accurate and definite description of "love". I "love" Bjork for the way her voice makes me feel. It's real "love". I'm not just saying that. It enriches my life. You Goddamn right, I "love" things that inspire me or FORCE me to react in some way.
The movie, AUDITION, overwhelmed me. I just wanted everything to work out. I just wanted those poor, lonely people to find their "love" and be happy, even as I felt the plot slowly slip-sliding away from that possibility. I "loved" the disturbed feeling in my stomach as it spiralled more and more out of control. I "loved" every minute of the 2 hours I spent watching it.
I "love" the present and try my hardest to exist in it without always anticipating the future or dwelling on the past. I don't think I'll ever be 100% successful, but you gotta have goals, you know? It's lonely as fuck being me, but at least I got myself and I like me and don't need constant "love" from my peers to validate my existance. I'm pretty good company, I think.
So that about wraps up my thoughts on Takashi Miike's AUDITION. glad I could make all that so crystal clear.
Now piss off so I can go out and contradict myself as usual.

Friday, August 4, 2006


I'm a 100% combination of conspiracies, caterwalling through cataclysms,
describing what i see, lyrically,
my 10% of me is 90% free,
and that other 10% is wz3d.
I'm a carbon-based movie database, and if I don't know it I can find it,
when you see me, I wear my humanface,
when you turn away I jump from behind it,
look straight into the sun and blind it,
grab the moon up in my palm, and remind it:

That only 10% of me is the part I know is me
and the rest runs the robot and I took off without the keys,
and i'm still figuring this shit out, so if we collide, pardon me,
I woulda put this thing together different, if it were up to me.

Friday, July 7, 2006

Back To The Ole Drawing Board

I'm scared to death of you fuckin monkeys.
Did you get pissed about Kim Jong Il firing off those "test" missiles? Yeah? Me too. Fuck that crazy little bastard. I been scared of nuclear war since i was a kid, and now this little prick wants to redress the stage. Did you see that greasy fuckin smirk on George Bush's face when he talked to the press about it. Fucker's happier than a kid on Christmas morning. I kept waiting for the camera to close in and show Calibos from Clash Of The Titans in his eye doing that horrible scream, like on Wonder Showzen. What a creepy fuck.
I've had it with the politics of this world. I could give a fuck about who's policies outweigh whoever Else's. The leaders of this world are the broken leg of evolution. They represent the very worst of the worst that humanity has to offer. The ones in charge know mind-bogglingly little about anything.
I didn't ask to be born here, but here i am, 33 years into the game, so i don't go around bitching about it like some old goth.
I learned when I was a kid, if you go to school pretending to be sick and they don't let you leave, you gotta keep up the charade so nobody accuses you of lying, and, by the end of the day, you're really sick. Same thing in life. I hate the established social order that was set up ages before I got here, and expects me to play along. I would tear it down if I could. I could give a shit about whatever asshole decided money and organized religion and nation states would be the "way things are", but, you know what? That's "the way things are". I might make it known that I think it's fucked, but, in the end, I gotta read from left to right if I wanna understand what you wrote, dig? I'm an idealist in a world with some pretty bizarre and twisted ideals. body's gonna admit that, as a a PLANET, we misstepped and created weapons that could destroy the planet (HEY WAIT! THAT'S US!). We purposely invented weapons that will release chemicals that will distort our own DNA...permanently...and create cancer and slowly eat away our enemies' organs...and hopefully, not be used against us...the good guys. Except, that everyone who has these weapons considers themselves the good guys. Who's the bad guys?


Those fuckers. Pray that they never get their hands on the horrible destructive powers that WE have. If we find out they're working on acquiring our diabolical technology, then we'll have no choice but to use it on them. Fuck 'em. I didn't like 'em anyway. Our God could whip their God's ass, but he won't cause he's better than that. Hell, we're just better people in general. We only have all these missiles and weapons to protect us from their crazy asses. We don't know what they're planning way over there. For all we know, they're making more fun of us than we are of them. You just KNOW they hate us cause of our cars and our air conditioning and the fact that Tom Cruise is from here and not there. They'd like nothing better than to take away all our cool stuff we were conditioned to work so hard for.
Fuck that.
I haven't spent my entire life being a slave to these dollars I been stacking just to watch some religious nut from WAY OVER THERE come and fly a plane into it. I got goals, Goddammit, and they include keeping all my stuff...and getting all the stuff that they got that i want, and they BETTER not try to hide it from me.

You ever cheated on your girlfriend or boyfriend or husband or wife? Not like a one time slip-up kinda thing, but on the regular? It makes you a crazy, paranoid person. Your mind is so busy making up scenarios of how you might get busted, that it eventually turns the person you're supposed to be the most honest with into your enemy. You didn't mean to turn them into that. If you initially wanted them gone, you'd have just said it and that would be that. But your mind wandered and here you are. Once you turn a relationship into a battle, there's no way to fix it from within the relationship. You poisoned it, now all you can do is watch it die. Of course, most people are afraid of letting it die, cause that would be an admission of failure, plus couples become habit-forming and, you might not wanna be stuck screwing the same piece of ass for the rest of your life, but you sure as fuck don't wanna end up alone and this is the person who knows you best and, somewhere in that creepy, dark soul of yours, you need them and couldn't imagine starting from scratch elsewhere. So you continue to lie and betray their trust, and you continue to drive yourself crazy imagining what they are thinking, planning or doing.

I'm so scared of what we've become. I don't think this is the world that whatever put us here, planned on. We've never outgrown the feudal system. It's worldwide, and we have no idea who we're paying our tributes to anymore. We've been taught to fear each other and suspect each other for so long, that it's become instinct. We have no hope, in this time-line, of repairing the damage we've done to ourselves and this world. We've outlived our warranty and we're existing on borrowed time. These are the last days of man on Earth. Hell, it may even be the last days of Earth itself, if we have our way. Every religion was right AND wrong. None of your gods showed up to rescue you from yourselves. If any of them are really out there, they're as scared of you as you are of the evil YOU'VE created. The experiment that was "The Human Race" has already been scrapped. The results are nothing more grandiose than a chalkboard full of scratched-out equations and a bio-hazard sticker on a broken test tube. All that remains is to incinerate the control subject before it figures out how to spread any further.

Personally, i just wanna scrape by long enough to watch it all burn up. You gotta admit you love seeing it happen to other people. Well, I've decided that we're all other people and one of the few things we've retained from our primitive incarnations is our obsession with FIRE and EXPLOSIONS...and i'm imagining one hell of a pyrotechnics display right now.
So get out there and WIN, WIN, WIN!!!

and don't disappoint me.

peace...or the extreme lack there-of,

Monday, June 19, 2006

The War Inside My Head (The Contradictions That Make Me Who I Am)

*coffee in the house, fool!! I went without for a week or so, but that shit's over. Here's my celebratory blog, which stems from a recent discussion/argument. If I offend anyone's lifestyle, fashion choices, religious beliefs, politics, etc...KISS MY ASS!!!!!! Ihat's cause i got my coffee back and being nice falls back by the wayside where it belongs...nah, just lighten up. I always seem to get more shit on myself than the rest of the audience, so just pretend I'm GG Allin and beat the crap outta me if I make you feel stupid and remember: AT LEAST YOU AIN'T GOTTA BE ME.*

"You're a walking, talking collection of contradictions, ChrisWyble." (oooooohh, I hate when people call me by my first & last name like it's all in one word...unless it's during sex, which is kinda neato.)

YES I AM!!! so, to save anyone else the effort of trying to point out why my contradictions make me not as "real" as them, I'll come right out and list as many as I can possibly think of.

1) I was raised Baptist and referred to myself as one until the day I realised that I had made up my own religion and found that it suited me better. I don't believe in God as that guy with the beard and the list of Who's-Going-To-Hell-Who's-Going-To-Heaven. I DO however, believe in God, way more than I did when I was in church. I think most Aetheists are boring (and copping out a little bit). I also think Satanists, Pagans & Wiccans should step back, look at the big picture of "Life, The Universe & Everything" and realize how bored they are. If I'm gonna "worship" something, it ain't gonna be the dying rock I'm currently stuck on, it ain't gonna be The Ancient Ones that some old caveman made up to scare his tribe into following him, and it sure as fuck ain't gonna be The Devil, cause all that shit's weak...and I know there's those Satanists that consider it a religion of the self, blah, blah, blah...why call it Satanism, stupid? I've already used the KKK comparison. Don't call it the KKK if you're trying to get people to accept it as some other shit. It's like you entered a car race with a flat tire.
So, yeah. I'm a godless heathen...who prays...every night. I don't say the rosary or some creepy shit like that, but I do believe that something hears me. Maybe it's just my observer self that's driving the wz3d-bot and it already knows all the shit I'm gonna say. It makes me feel closer to it and strengthens my faith in the universe. Is it habit from my Christian days? Probably, but I don't regret being raised in church. I think it was a good foundation to learn what I really believe and have faith in. I think The Bible has alot to offer and should be read, but I definately don't think ANY of the ancient documents of all the religions in the world should be held as socially relevant in 2006. Dogma is a God-Killer.

2)I think Death Metal is fucking stupid, and yet, some of my favorite Death Metal bands are: Bolt Thrower, Napalm Death, Death, Obituary, Sepultura (before Max turned into "Capt. Tribal" and again after he left), Cannibal Corpse (only the Chris Barnes days), Fear Factory (before they went pop), Nocturnus, and some others that slip my mind right now, but that's not the point. Why sing like a monster ALL THE TIME? Dudes at a Death Metal show: why do you show your appreciation by imitating the singer? Am I the only one who thinks this is the funniest phenomenon to ever strike the music world? I've done it. I know. The song ends, as quickly as it began, and half the crowd holds their fist out, not in the air, but in front of them, like they're showing you the size of their make-believe erection and roars: "RRRRRROOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!"
Local Death Metal cats, I apologize if you've seen me at your shows, half-suffocating cause i can't stop laughing. Maybe I just grew out of it and part of the price of aging is the self-righteousness that comes with no longer being able to relate to something you used to love, but it just seemed alot more fun and METAL back in the day. Now it's mostly indecipherable riffage and completely boring. I also like "Dead By Dawn" by Deicide a WHOLE MUTHAFUCKIN LOT, but i think they're one of the girliest things to ever happen to American metal. Speaking of girly, I think Black Metal is the Satanic equivalent of Petra or Stryper and dressing up like a dead body when it's not Halloween takes away your right to argue when the other kids make fun of you. that said, I LOVE SLAYER!!!! I was kinda scared of Slayer when I first saw the cover for Reign In Blood. I listened to it once and gave it back to the guy who said I'd love it and said, "not for me." I was 13 and still thought of The Devil as that guy with the pitchfork waiting for you to fuck up so he could zap you off to hell. Something kept me thinking about what I'd heard, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, until I finally told the dude to loan it to me again. I fell in love with that shit. I immediately ran out and bought Hell Awaits, Haunting The Chapel & Show No Mercy. I think Slayer is so blatantly Satanic (the cool kind, with all the blood and guts and apocalyptic imagery and none of the faggery), and so obviously having a blast with it, that the band's like a giant middle finger pointed straight at...well, everything. Me and my friends were so into the insane lyrics, we'd write 'em down on our school books and shit and get in trouble. It was the first time i was ever forced to think about "How Do I Really Feel About This? How Do I Really Feel About All This Blasphemy and Devil's Armies And Crap Like That? These Are The BadGuys, Right?" I find that it helped my spiritual growth. I think Slayer, more than any other band, ever, forces so much of what we were told NOT to think about into a little boy's head at once, that we see the absurdity of it all quicker than the kids who grew up with those weird thoughts that they felt condemned for thinking. It's fucking science fiction. We're all sickos, Doc. It's admitting it and moving on with your life, that makes you a real person...and less likely to become the next famous serial killer for the younger generations to idolize solely because they require some anarchy in their lives and can't imagine anything better.
I loved Pantera for the most part, but evidently not as much as every other band that has formed since "Vulgar Display..." cause it sounds like Phil Anselmo sings for every one of them...until the chorus, and then they all wanna sound like the dude from Linkin Park. Is that the same dude? Do most metal bands nowadays have a heavy-verse-singer and a melodic-crybaby-chorus-guy? This sucks worse than when Acid Bath hit and every metal singer in South Louisiana wanted to imitate Dax Riggs. I like Dax's voice too. Kudos to that muthafucka, but if you can't sing WELL, then stick to screaming and growling, cause there's me in the back of the crowd again, laughing at you and wishing I could stop and just be nice. It's involuntary. Make all the fun of me at my shows you like. I deserve it. I'm an aging, white rapper, for the most part. For God's sake, if you can't find a joke somewhere in there, you don't deserve to feel offended at my hysterics.

3) I want the world to be this ideal place that I imagine it being. I think everyone should just drop what they're doing and help each other out and stop fighting and realise that WE'RE ALL so full of shit that it doesn't make ANYTHING worth fighting each other for. I know that's impossible. It's what made the hippies the hippies and it's why there's still so many of 'em and they still haven't done a fucking thing yet. You know where the hippies came from? When the muthafuckin WEATHERMEN took over the DS and eventually declared WAR on the American Government and millions of idiots around the country stuck their silly little fists in the air and said, "HELL YEAH! WE'RE BEHIND YOU!" until the support and the "movement" got so strong that the Weathermen made the mistake of having faith in the strength of "the people" and planned the "Days Of Rage" where the millions would gather and DEMAND that the Vietnam War would be stopped, by any means necessary. They meant it too. Violence was not ruled out. In fact, it was anticipated.
How could the government turn millions of their own away?
This was sure to be the victory of the people.
Like, a hundred and something people showed up. OUT OF MILLIONS!! They marched anyway and got their asses kicked and hosed and arrested and, shortly after, went underground. There's more to it than that, but this ain't about that. This is about the fact that people saw inspiration in the few who would stand up and say something like that. They felt the power of possibility. They all latched on to "the movement" and dropped acid and fucked each other silly and made tie-dye everythings and quit washing and when it was time to fight, they all sold the fuck out. It is at that moment, in any trend, that you are forced to admit that you were riding the fashion statement and had no intentions of actually backing up what you said. Thus...hippie.
I learned from Star Trek and Godzilla to have faith in the future. Money will cease to be the driving motivation for every single action made by a human. People will actually strive toward a common good and end the universal quarantine that Earth has been under since day one. What self-respecting alien species would be interested in fucking with our backwoods hick asses?
Of course, none of this'll probably happen till EVERYTHING gets knocked down. Not the World Trade Center. Not Hiroshima or Nagasaki. Not Chernobyl. Not Long Island (not ALMOST Long Island?). 
There is no aborting this timeline. We seem to require a clean slate. It all gotsta go. If and when Mankind evolves from whatever primordial ooze we've created, they'll have gained an inherent wisdom (and possibly a little plastic in their skeletons). Whatever remains of our art and historical documents will be the new bible. HERE'S WHAT NOT TO DO. Either that or there'll just be those who were born with the unexplainable knowing-of-many-things. I can't make this all up by myself.
I ain't in the mood to blow nuthin up today. I got all kinda shit to do. I got plans.
I like to think of myself as more of an OBSERVER than a participant in this "human" game.
Whatever. Does that make me a hippie? Probably.

4)I'm a movie freak. Old and new. Domestic and foreign. Any and all genres, but especially horror and sci/fi, the two obnoxious, kid siblings of all the other genres. I dig through movie bins like DJs dig through record stacks. When i go to someones house and they have a collection or even just a stack, I immediately size it up. Instinctively. Like a Magic Card nerd. The current wave of remakes makes my favorite movies look as  cheap and interchangeable as the McDonald's commercials starring Jennifer Aniston they pump out at the masses. Before Dawn Of The Dead '04, I woulda thought you could stick the original George Romero classic back in the theater, maybe pretty it up in 5.1 and knock most modern horror shows dead. I didn't realise, until AFTER the enormous positive response, how boring and ineffective the original was in the eyes of many of my so-called peers. This also, of course, explained the necessity of remaking The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Assault On Precinct 13, The Fog, The Omen, Day Of The Dead, Halloween, The Crazies, and a buncha throw-aways that i could give a shit less about anyway (The Hills Have Eyes, When A Stranger Calls,etc.). Also, there's The Ring (not so bad), which was America's version of the Japanese hit, Ringu...for simple-folk who can't figure out why everybody don't speak American, or just can't stop laughing cause it sounds funny when people talk in other languages. Ju-On became The Grudge, was directed by the same director, and, I gotta admit, I loved that he obviously made a Japanese horror movie into an American one set in Japan. Different movie techniques scare us and those guys. I like things like that about the world.
Infection, a scary-ass hospital thriller that Tony 5kratchere showed me is soon to enter pre-production in the states.
Tom Cruise's production company bought the rights to The Eye, a Korean film, a long time ago, and i haven't heard when it would come out, but I'm pretty  sure somebody writing The Mothman Prophecies mighta skimmed over a couple pages.
Oldboy got bought up earlier this year and now...Battle Royale. in-fuckin-sane. If you've never seen Battle Royale (2000), it's the story of 42 Japanese students on a bus, who are drugged and wake up on a maximum security island and told that they have 3 days to kill each other until there is only one left, who may, in turn, go free. All of their parents have been informed and have consented. It's a government sanctioned operation (called the BR Act) in reaction to the increasing violence and general unrest of the country's youth. They are each wearing a necklace that can blow out their throats at the push of a button on a remote or if more than one are still standing after 3 days. They are each given a duffle bag with some small food rations and a random weapon. When i say random, i mean one gets a sub-machine gun and the next gets binoculars.
All this might sound absurd, but it's all taken very seriously. The initial reactions of the students is also one of disbelief and their former teacher, now captor (played by Takeshi "Beat" Kitano) shuts down any suspician that this is all a joke or just idle scare tactics very quickly and effectively.
The rest of the film is an emotional, violent roller-coaster. Every character is 3-dimensional and convincing. Every relationship between the schoolmates is explored and confronted. Add to this the fact that this is obviously a big budget movie with gigantic cinematography and a score that sounds like it was performed by a thousand peice symphony orchestra, the cast is filled with A-List Japanese Teen actors and popstars...and they're slaughtering each other in more brutal ways than you've probably imagined by now, and you get this question: WHAT THE FUCK IS AN AMERICAN STUDIO GONNA DO WITH THIS MATERIAL?
Paul Verhoven is rumored to be attached to direct and , if I were to agree with any of this, it'd probably be him. If you look back at Robocop & Starship Troopers, he's really the guy to revisualize something this hugely absurd and still force the audience to take it seriously.
But...WHY? The movie is fucking beautiful. It looks like a big, Spielberg epic. It's action-packed. It's full to the top with explosions and guns ricocheting around the theater. It's only 6 years old and it looks and sounds bigger and better than shit that came out last year. I found it to be much more entertaining than Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and that made a bundle over here.
Because the mainstream movie-going audience is perfectly, safely, in the palm of the Media Corporate Elite. How can i say that? Because the people who make the movies own the theaters and Hollywood is owned by Wal-Mart and Wal-Mart knows: If they own ALL the country's advertising, then people will only be aware of what they tell them is there for them to consume. Have you seen the trailer for Battle Royale on t.v.? No American retailers sale the DVD except for some small private shops. Quentin Tarrantino's Rolling Thunder hasn't bought the rights to it to release here like the far inferior, Hero. Entertainment Tonight didn't do a special "making of" segment about it...
But it's a wild idea, no? So...we take out the political taboos, unbalance the moral equation of the students so audiences can have good guys and bad guys, and figure out a way to save a few more kids than...I can't tell you the ending...but you see why it would have to be a watered down version, right? What sniveling American Teen Actor/American Idol Winner has an agent that's gonna put this on their desk?
This can not and will not be the same film and i think it's a Goddamn shame that the average moviegoer does not have the option.
Whew...where was i?
Oh yeah.
While i'm at it...I think John Carpenter's remake of The Thing is brilliant and superior to the original in every way. I also think this of Cronenberg's The Fly, Terry Gilliam's The Adventures Of Baron Munchausen (which had already been done 4 times, starting in 1911), Tobe Hooper's Invaders From Mars, and some others i don't feel like remembering right now.
I don't find Peter Jackson's King Kong to be superior, but, rather, equivalent of the original story. I understand his motivations for making it and i think it's all up there on the screen. It's definitely a work of passion and it perplexes me that Chronicles Of Narnia overshadowed it so totally.
I think it's Jackson's masterpeice.
A fucking remake.

*and that's all. i'm perfectly normal in every other aspect of my life. Peace be witcha.-

Friday, June 9, 2006

Flipping Asteroids Never Felt So Good

I didn't realize my life was a video game till I was already on my 3rd man,
and jumping over the same fiery pit, with the same enemy shooting,
with the same lasergun in my hand,
and everything just sort of locked into place,
the building, the music, the plot, the graphics, the interface,
the unyielding pace,
somehow, I knew which holes to jump over and which ones to crawl into,
and which enemies to bounce on the heads, or creep up on like I'm Tenchu,
and i aced all that first level bullshit that I'd been through before,
and finally got to level 33, inserted my keycard and opened the door,

and what's in store?
I don't know and I'm all outta saves, and the difficulty settings
from here on are for filling graves, and recruiting other slaves,
and all those close shaves?
I used to brag about 'em, like that was just some tricks that i played
on Death,
like: "I'm the one fuckin this monkey, so ya'll suckas gotta save ya'll breath",
like: "awareness of The Cube makes me stronger than The Cube,
and all this is just a test",
but, you can't apply your awareness to Robitron 2084,
you gotta keep runnin and shootin till you the best.

and i'll be the best,
I ain't gonna beat the game, I'll flip it,
cause I don't wanna see the big explosion and the helicopter flying,
I wanna scream, "THAT'S RIGHT, MUTHAFUCKA!!"
while I continue to rip it.
and I'm still playing by the same rules but the odds grow steadily against
any chance that my reflexes'll keep gettin faster and faster
as the program's missiles seek holes in my defense,
and I try to counteract and push forward, but the pummeling must commence,
I've already let the other bunkers go,
and we'll see if this one gets minced,
but there ain't no way I'll throw up my hands,
and watch 'em tear down my fuckin fence.


Sunday, May 21, 2006

Gone Protest Tom Hanks... Be Back After Lunch

*Catholics in town are protesting a fucking Tom Hanks movie...a RON HOWARD/ TOM HANKS movie. sometimes i get so caught up in all my stupid Doomsday bullshit and friends and whatnot, that i forget there's still really sheltered people out there who are scared SHITless about whatever they're told to be scared shitless of. it's like when i meet someone new and, in conversation, i get to hear the latest on "the niggers", you know? you forget that there's people who think and talk that way when you're not around it...*

i'm just not quite enough of an asshole. i can think of the stupid shit to do, but, if i REALLY wanna act on 'em, i know i should set Sputnik on it first. i'll do it if Sputz will do it, but Sputz will do it either way. if there's a laugh in it, his nerves are steel.
we were laughing earlier at how silly Lafayette looks for protesting a fucking Tom Hanks movie, much less a Ron Howard movie...i mean...fucking Opie Taylor/Richie Cunningham & Forrest Gump are being picketed by what is most definately their current number one demographic...i mean, i would think...middle-aged conservatives?
i don't know what i'm getting at, it just seemed logical.
we were thinking we should get a big group together and join the protest, but protest it only because Tom Hanks and Ron Howard doing another film together should be considered a monopoly and it's time to give someone else a shot and i don't mean Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg. 
Jeesus, dude. remember the Family Values Tour with Lymp Bisquick and Korn and Icecube and all that? there was Catholic protest for that too...and Baptist. they raised all kinda hell, but, you know what?
all those acts were H-O-T=hot at the time, so there was just no way that money wasn't comin to town, ya'll.
in the end, the protestors made their point and a couple kids didn't get to go who may have otherwise went, and, all in all, the whole thing went off without a hitch...probably proved to be a little better of a draw after the bullshit.
YAY!!! the Holier-Than-Thou Moral Majority continue on like they always do, right? a warning to the parents of the area, a local news spot or 2, a sermon the week of, a heart-felt protest out front of the venue where they sing a couple hymns, let fly a couple lightly-bouncing condemnations, lie to a reporter about the amount of drug use they witnessed in the parking lot, and they're home watching TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL before the show even starts.
perfectly harmless. why even bitch?
except that, in Lafayette, at that same time, there was a group of friends who all believed in each other for one reason or another and felt they had something of some significance to offer their community, which they loved, despite obvious short-comings that they regarded with the utmost optimism and had no doubts that they could change.
this group of friends included members of a couple bands, future members of other bands, friends of people in other bands, and generally, just people interested in creative things and creative people. it was an exciting atmosphere to be a part of. it didn't last forever, but its effects are still evident in the lives its former members and show no sign of weakening...
no, it wasn't The Goonies.
anyway, these guys and girls got so excited about helping each other and other people they knew out, that they began putting together all-ages shows wherever they could do it. the bands doing the shows did it for the same reason the rest were doing it. cause there was hardly anywhere in town to play and the places that there were mostly sucked. everybody pitched in on P.A. and everybody understood that nobody got paid and nobody ever bitched about it cause they all knew that it was all going for "The Festival" which would come later, the next year.
...not long after the Family Values tour, no less.
you know what that protesting did?
absolutely nothing to Fred Durst and the gang, i promise you. Rammstein still made their however-many-thousands-of-dollars to shoot fire out of their asses and sing in German about how uber-gay they are.
the local knuckleheads, putting on their little "Festival" of "Rockin" local talent lost their original location at CajunField, lost their original insurance backer, which, in turn, meant they lost the security guards they were required to pay by the insurance company that they could no longer pay, still got their press promised by The Times, but lost any other offers of free paper and t.v., and probably a few other things i can't remember anymore, cause it's been a while.
because they were lumped in with it by the crazy knee-jerking of that one priest who was the spokesperson of the entire thing. he fucking dropped the name of their "organization" in one of his passionate speaches...right next to Family Values...
that shit spiraled so far out of control that somebody even asked what capacity they were SPONSORED by The Family Values Tour (i didn't even know it was a business in-and-of-itself).
the show went down. new location. new buncha real cool people who felt like helping out some young punks for better reasons than a tax write-off. it was one of the things in my life that i recognize as a challenge that i could not have conquered without the energy of friends. in fact, the new venue, Pelican Park in Carencro, was so impressed by how organized the whole thing was handled that they hosted the next one for cheaper.
...and now, back to the present...
the first amendment demands that these people be allowed to fight this losing battle against the blasphemy that Hollywood has catapulted over their village walls. i believe that there's more important things to be done with the first amendment, but, because i believe that, i think they reserve this right.
i also think that if the KKK feels it productive to stand in front of college students in 2006 for no other reason than to excercise their right to do it (and continue to try to convince people that "today's Klan is different than the Klan they heard all those horror stories about". why fucking CALL it that, then?), they gotta be allowed.
i just hope you people whining about the fact that there's a place where someone can pay $7.50 and be treated to what is essentially The-Same-Commercial-Slop-That's-Playing-Next-Door-To-It, realise, one day, that you don't own the local movie theaters anyway, schmucks. the same people who paid for Tom Hanks to even read the script of The DaVinci Code own the theater you're trying to stop from showing it. you see what i'm saying? this isn't your Hometown, U.S.A. anymore, Norman Rockwell. the folks who kepp blood pumping through the money machines already calculated that there might be something like this and congratulated themselves for all the free publicity you'd give them. not only won't you stop it, but they're gonna have to throw another movie out so there will be enough Goddamn screens showing the muthafucka, stupid.
agree with your friends and family that you're above subjecting yourself to such heathenism and go on about your daily activities, cause, you know what else?
it's a big, giant world outside of The Greater Acadiana, and people like all kinda things you will never even hear about and believe in all kinda things you will never even imagine and they probably think that you're weird, too, but they just seem to keep minding their own fucking business, don't they?
(must be something wrong with their religions.)
you won't read about what heavenly fruit your righteousness crusade has accomplished in the paper this week. the local news ain't gonna find it more interesting than anything actually INTERESTING that happens. hell, even YOU are hardly gonna remember it by next month. remember The Last Temptation Of Christ? i knew you didn't (i finally got to see it a few years ago and it kicked ass, too, you jerks), but you sure HATED it for a month or two when it was gonna play here.
you won't read about what negative little bit of roadblock you added to Someone-You-Will-Never-Meet's struggle, but, you know what? just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it didn't happen.

that's FAITH. 

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

The War On Boredom

*this is part extension of my last blog - part reaction to the "BEST OF"... choices in The Times Of Acadiana. this is not a hate rant. i read The Times almost every week whether i agree or disagree with whatever. i don't secretly hate the nominations because i wish it was me. i have no idea what category Doomsday would fit into, and, if it did, i'd feel like we were doing something wrong. as i get older and "wiser", i discover more and more what my dad always knew: i'm a naive idealist who will never fully understand this world.*

At whatever point, in this somewhat blurry lifespan, I declared WAR ON BOREDOM, I had no idea what I was up against. I probably felt like some stupid fucking superhero who was gonna go around slapping bored people in the face and waiting expectantly while the light slowly, yet dramatically, swept across their face and they exclaimed: "Oh right."
to quote Ice-T: "unfortunately...SHIT AIN'T LIKE THAT!!! IT'S REAL FUCKED UP!!"
I thought I'd have allies. I thought I'd be joining a massive army that would storm the land with Things-That-Are-Not-Boring, but, alas, the world had already sided with the opposition.

Bored people wallow greedily in their numbness because boredom means SAFE. If you're bored, then nothing is happening, therefore, nothing bad can be happening...I mean, nothing necessarily all that good can possibly be going down either, gotta have priorities.

Is that a horribly misguided assumption?
Also, allow me to indulge my assumptions a little further...
I'm gonna bet, that no matter where you live in the world (civilized areas, of course), you're within at least an hour of an establishment housing someone performing someone else's music. I don't care if it's the biggest KISS tribute band in the world, or some guy on a piano in Bangladesh, doing Jimmy Buffet tunes for tips. from Elvis impersonators to Cracker Jackson, Lafayette's local cover band extraordinaire.
(glory be to God...we have a point.)

I don't know these guys personally, so, if you do, don't tell 'em I was talking shit, cause I didn't say they couldn't beat me up...they probably fact, let's just say they already did, so they win no matter what.
Glad we got that outta the way.

The only reason I include those guys in this bullshit is cause they were nominated by The Times as "Best Alternative/Rock Band" or something like that and that kinda freaks me out. Barnes & Noble and Books-A-Million are both nominated as "Best Bookstore". Texas Roadhouse, IHOP, Hooters, Starbuck's, Taco see where i'm going, right?
I mean, I like Taco Bell...I eat it several times a week. Awesome job, guys. Mucho respecto.
But "Best Late Night" food joint? Locally? When Wal-Mart was still 24 hours (pre-Katrina), would that mean they had this category sewn up? THE SELECTION!!! It's an entire grocery's that for late night feasting? By default, it would be the best...'s also the best music store, video store, eye doctor, place to do your taxes, place to meet singles, bookstore, magazines, highest ceilings, auto store...YAY!!! WAL-MART is the "Best Everything in Lafayette".

Here's one of the tricks Money played on you and you never noticed:
Everybody knows that nothing is worth anything if it doesn't make any money. Everything everybody does is done with the highest money-making potential in mind. Everybody looks at what has previously made money and molds what they wanted to do into something more resembling of that. Since that was already a concept based on something before it that had already made some money, the new idea is already 3rd generation when it is initiated. Anything after that is a perpetuation of the formula, bringing it ever closer to being the Ultimate-Center-Of-What-Makes-Money in an area: A well-calculated commerce machine that takes no unnecessary chances and delivers exactly what it promises, everytime.


That's the simplest i can put the shit. When i proofread it, it sounds like the mathematic formula for The Molly Ringwalds (friends of those guys, go ahead and tell 'em. I could give a shit.)

I fly by the seat of my pants. I hate it most of the time, but it seems I have no choice. Sputnik and i both walked outta our job yesterday over what was essentially a moral disagreement. My dad woulda probably made that one syllable "ugh"-word that is his "that's about right" equivalent, and explained to me about how money makes the world go around and you better learn that it's all business and it's a cold, cruel world and all that.
I liked that job alot. Somebody made it impossible for me to remain there. I was nice about it. It sucks that I have to go learn some new bullshit at some other job that I wish i didn't have to go to every day, but that fucking landlord of mine just gotsta get paid. I am mass and mass must take up space, therefore, I must continue to provide a space in which to take up. I might not like everything about this reality, but I do accept it as real.

I do understand why there are cover bands and yet I don't. I think, for honing your craft (or searching yourself to find out if this even IS your craft or merely a pipe dream stimulated by MTV), it's an acceptable idea. I played guitar for only about 6 months before starting a little bullshit band with some friends who were also beginners. The level that I learned at fucking tripled, just from actually playing with other people. Any musician knows, it's a whole different pizza pie. I think you should go copy the shit outta your heroes and try to emulate their sound and style and whatever it is that makes you so excited about them in the first place. Put on shows and display your progress to your friends. It's all part of the learning experience...
But, at some point, accept the fact that these are other people's contributions that have inspired you. I wanna be in  Goblin. I think it's the most perfectly atmospheric, rocking, pulse-pounding music in the world. I could slap together a band of half-way decent musicians and play NOTHING but Goblin songs and most people around here would never even question if we had written that stuff or not because there's NO FRAME OF REFERENCE. In their minds, I did it first (fuck. hold on. who wants to start a band?).

Goblin ain't even together any more, so i'm pretty sure that getting together with me to "jam" is outta the question.
But, at some point in my dissapointment with myself for not having come up with the baddest shit I had ever heard, I thought far enough into my love for their music to discover exactly WHAT IT IS I LOVE ABOUT IT. This is one of the few upsides of thinking so damn far into everything. I know what it is about John Carpenter's music and movies that makes me so excited, beyond the fact that I realized I enjoyed more than one of his films. I thought enough about El-P's sounds and They Might Be Giants' geekiness to figure out why I felt so connected to them. I took all this crap and sought to create my OWN CONTRIBUTION to the things I love about this life.

I honestly feel that you are ripping yourself off by NOT discovering these things about your heroes and influences (I mean "you" in general, not "you" as in "the reader", cause, we both know, I preach only to the choir, so I'm perfectly aware that you knew all these things already). I honestly think that the reason things have become so stale and predictable, not just in Lafayette, but THE WORLD, has alot to do with SAFETY and the utter cowardice required to NOT TAKE A CHANCE ON YOUR OWN IDEAS, which won't even exist until you chill the fuck out and figure out which ones are really yours. I'm sure it'll be generally forgiveable if, along the way, you should find that some ideas you thought were completely original have already been successfully illustrated by someone else. Chalk that shit up to self-discovery and move on. Be proud that you had such a great idea rattling around in your head, in the first place. Use it as part of the evolution of your next idea. Never allow yourself to get comfortable with anything because life is a learning process for something greater, so music should reflect that.

Capture and immortalize your own life experience instead of becoming trapped under glass, like a dead butterfly, in some person you never met's permanent collection.
Personally, I think we will all be held accountable for the potential energy that we never made kenetic. I think this will hold alot more gravity than not tithing at church on Sunday or taking the Goddamn lord's name in vein.
It's why evolution's all fucked up. The most popular ideas being expressed are created by a corporate headquarters whose only intention is for immitators to ride the trend wave and join the bottom of the pyramid, thinking that maybe it's upside-down and they're on the narrow end because of the inherit feeling of self-importance and significance we all were born with. A PRODUCT captures the imagination of the multitude and we evolve ever onward into stupid, mind-contolled consumers.

You could have accomplished just as much by working for McDonald's all your life.

...But what the hell do i know? Where's all my money, if I know so much? "Come back with a Jaguar and a home in River Ranch (which looks like it was co-designed by Walt Disney, George W. Bush, Fritz Lang & Adolf Hitler) and maybe we'll see about taking you somewhat seriously".
I'll be the first to admit that I fucking suck with money. My big sister has, more than once, suggested that my being so judgemental about The-Weight-Of-Monetary-Gain, probably stems from the fact that I've been poor as a shithouse rat ever since I got out on my own...hell, before that. The word "bitter" comes up.
Whatever. I don't rule out that I have negative influences as well as positive. In fact, it makes perfect sense...but does that make it any less a part of me?

Bottom line.
When i depart this plain-jane dimension, my name and my ridiculous ideas will be scribbled onto as many of its walls as i can reach...for one reason or another, that's important to me...judge me how you will for my vanity and obnoxious demeanor...just know, that I will not be scribbling anyone else's bullshit for them. There's plenty walls and there's more markers than there are people in the world.

Do what you gotta do.
...and good luck with that.

peace...or the extreme lack there-of,

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

The War On Imagination

*a while back, i made a joke about rock-n-roll being for Republicans and girly/boys and stuff. somebody told me i was ugly, cause if it wasn't for rock-n-roll, blah, blah, blah. i'm not a snotty hip-hop kid who only listens to Kool fuckin Keith and dresses like an ex-raver. i just think of things that make me grin, so that's what i write. i make alot of jokes about myself like that. who gives a fuck about rock-n-roll and what i just called it, anyway? whatever. this is about that.*

Every time i see or hear anything about The Rolling Stones doing anything, it's mandatory that someone make an "old" joke about ' "what were they thinking by aging like that?" I'm pretty impressed that the old fuckers still feel like doing the shit. That's a pretty huge-ass show they throw and I bet it gets pretty exhausting on tour for such old-ass bastards, but there they are, summoning the demons of their former glory and fooling enough people into riding with the illusion that you just gotta take it serially. They fucking rock.
I can't imagine, at what point my mind would just release the chemicals to convince me, "Ok. That's enough. I did what I did and now I'm old and old people don't do that."
It's a scary thought.

The hordes of the boring are at war with the seekers in this world.
The ones who, somehow despite their training, chose to view life as an explorer and figure things out for themselves, regardless of what school, cliques and The-Global-Teen-Market-Conspiracy (which was formed when it was learned that human teens are the most rampant and gorging of consumers. The original founders had no idea that they were playing right into the hands of The-Mind-Control-Media-Elite, who, immediately devised a plan to dominate the human race by way of taking small grassroots movements, exploiting their underlying fashionability, combining their DNA with the rabid beast that rock-n-roll has long since been replaced by, and selling it back to the very people who created it, and at twice the price until so many people have been tricked that the kids a year or two behind the wave start to be able to see the man behind the curtain and the next small hype is prepared for bloating. All ideas are pre-prepared for the appearance of spontanaety and youthful cynacism, but have been carefully tested, so as not to be truly meaningful to anyone, so they don't get ideas, but don't get to thinkin about how no one ever gets any real ideas, either.) throw in their way to stifle imagination.
It's okay to imagine Harry Potter, but don't imagine weird real-life things, like a car that runs on banana peels. For the same reason that the War-On-Drugs must continue, so must the War-On-Imagination. For money, for the preservation of inbred elitists who have been hiding in a seperate vortex from the brutals outside, needing them for slave labor, but scared of their increasingly radical cultural anomalies. Every time someone steps back and looks at the big picture, someone counters with "this many people will lose their jobs." And that's that.
The mention of the betterment of the human race doesn't arise.
Yes, they thought of that.
Why isn't there an emotional outpouring of humans, WORLDWIDE, to insist that technology be allowed to help, for a change. If this were The Planet Of The Apes, the gorillas and the chimps would be buttin heads by now...oh wait...this IS that planet.
Were they trying to TELL me something in that stupid movie?

Somewhere, in the King James, there's something that says that if no one was there to speak the word of God, the rocks and the trees would shout it.
The artists of a culture are those rocks and trees.
An idea explored is an idea created. No two humans are capable of sharing the exact same life experience, so every single idea can only be reinterpreted into another version when it is passed on. That's how evolution works, kinda. Each new version of that idea is capable of producing their own and planting the seed for the next version until what started as Jules Vern, ends up as Sony...
but Arthur Clarke and Stanley Kubrik thought maybe Jules Vern would add up to Jupiter & Beyond.
Who's gonna pay for that?
No one country is interested in space exploration enough to have pushed it as far as the visionaries figured it would go. It looked good on paper, but the cars don't run on something we can sell and, when space exploration becomes common enough to change the global perspective, God & Country won't have as much wield over the monkeys, thus, making them bad consumers and uncontrollable anarchists. Civilization, as we know it would crumble and the last would become the first and the first would become the last and...

 "Who wants that? Not me. My family's lived in this bubble since the good old days when there was a slave working every single row of cotton in the field."

The dinosaurs of tradition and culture have purposely stunted the evolution of the human race. Not America. Not Iraq or one of those other evil places we warned you about. It's the aristocrats, that hide from the plague by throwing masquerades and mocking us with award ceremonies, celebrating the most successful invention in the prevention of our collective imagination. Starting to worry about Meteorites and Global Warming? Starting to think about that idea you were laughing with your friends about that would take one step closer to abolishing the monetary system of old and giving people a reason to live greater than the hording of wealth and dreams of Valhalla?


Why haven't The Rolling Stones grown outta rocking?
Why would Lloyd Kaufman continue to make 10-cent movies that only a small sector of the world will ever appreciate, when he could probably afford to spend a little more and clean up his taste?
Why would Takashi Miike make 4 or 5 movies a year, almost all critically acclaimed, and still not seek out a mainstream blockbuster here in the States?
Why haven't i grown outta horror movies and Godzilla?
Why did Edgar Allen Poe die a broke and lonely man if he had such obvious writing talent?

I ain't tryin to lump me in with all that, but, the thing is, you know if it's a trend and you know if it's for real.
If you were a real like, Dracula-type vampire goth Necromancer-looking-motherfucker, you'd still be able to picture yourself looking like one and acting like one at 45 or so.
Can you?
Good luck with that.

I'm just sayin that, this is what i am. It doesn't come with a fashion statement, but it definately seems to have a uniform, cause i'm only ever comfortable in one or two of my shirts and a pair of pants...anything i get new, and one of the old ones has to bust and the rotation continues.
I have a small group of friends that push movies and music on each other. Somebody says something moved them and i'll give it the benefit of checking it out. I trust their opinion. We've all come to respect each other as non-brainwashed our opinions, of course, cause, i mean, we ALL are just a little would be impossible, at this point, not to be.

Word of mouth by fellow travellers who discovered a little gold along the way. You stop in your tracks, breaking from the long, crappy trek, and just appreciate for a minute. Somebody made this movie/album/book/painting/porno mag in a way that i haven't already seen.
I wish it had been me. I wish i had made that song. I wish I was cool enough to have made that movie. Damn. Fucking Ray Bradburry thinks of all the awesome stuff before me.
I wish I could put on "3 Days" by Jane's Addiction, in a room, and say, "That's some shit from our new album."

I can't.
Unless I go around performing "3 Days" to people who are content with pretending the words were by me and I was really feeling that stuff, then I have nothing to do with that song except that i'm one of the millions who agree it's awesome.

I can live with that.

I think i'll try to come up with something that Perry Farrel might hear and wish HE had something to do with it, you know what i mean?

You know what would be neato?
Tell your cover band to fuck off and go write shitty songs that don't sound like something you've already heard a million times until they start to sound good because they're built on alternate versions of your own ideas instead of the crap you been letting them stuff in your head all your life.
Good luck with that.
Let me know how it goes.

"Isn't it funny how it's a fad to bite your idols when the whole reason you liked them was because their shit wasn't recycled?" - Aesop Rock